discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
