I just cut my nipple shaving
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
