How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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