my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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