my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Small penises have feelings too.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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