my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
