so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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