the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
