You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize