He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
