but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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