I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
