I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize