So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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