Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
