I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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