it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
