I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
