Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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