I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
