i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
