It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
