guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
