I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jerry, you need to find god
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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