A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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