At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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