Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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