I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
please come you make the beer taste better
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
