Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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