there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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