Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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