actually, I'm a sock model
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
