It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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