Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
