Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
