How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
