he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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