our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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