Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
they need to just BURY HIM!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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