Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
