My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
