U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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