I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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