I showed him my bush... on skype.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
