I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
