I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
