If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
