the day after is always just damage control
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
