Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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