That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
