Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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