go do what you do best...puke behind churches
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
