Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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