On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Randomize
