Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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