You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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