So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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