He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize