I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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