i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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