so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize