I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
