umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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