The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
