she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize