I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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