bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I smell stomach acid.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
