Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
