that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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