i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i think i just lost a toe
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize